Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
