put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
