I CAN MOONWALK!
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
