I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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