You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
