did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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