Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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