She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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