Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
