Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
