someone threw a dead crab at me
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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