i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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