I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
