If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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