you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize