is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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