You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
