I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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