i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
