Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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