I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Screwed.edu
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
