Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
