i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
