When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
