Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
