Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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