The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
