she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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