Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
