They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I need moral support for this bender
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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