yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
