I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
