I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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