dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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