dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
