Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
