You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
