I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Non-Jews are for practice
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
