it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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