You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
