just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
