Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
