Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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