why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
