get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
