my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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