I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
