Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
