I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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