he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize