Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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