Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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