So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
