so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
