My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
