We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize