So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
pop tarts are not kleenex
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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