Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I got inside last night via doggy door
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
