The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
