Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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