I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
