I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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