It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
