dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
