I feel like abortions should bother me more
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
