I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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