Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I need water and some morals
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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