I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
