Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i believe in u and ur pee
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
