You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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