As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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