My nipple is on Facebook.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
